Dirty Cave

...

Sarah: we are nerds

just so you know

me: WTF do you mean "we"???

I'm cool as shit

Sarah: Yeah, guess what. Shit is not cool. It's gross actually.

Bad comparison

me: Mine comes out frozen

That's normal, right?

That's why I keep a ice pick next to the toilet

Sarah: D:

like soft serve? or like ice cubes?

me: Frozen like icicles

But more like stalagtites

Brown stalagtites from my dirty cave

Sarah: PLEASE

please!!

I'm dying

me: I'm dying over HERE

Sarah: Manny JUST caught me

"what's so funny?"

me: Just yell out "POOOOP!!!"

Get Naked

For me, living alone also means being naked within five minutes of getting home if I'm not expecting company. S'all about comfort. If you ask what I'm doing and my response indicates I'm home alone, go ahead and assume that I'm also naked. 


My girlfriend asked what I was up to tonight and I told her I was doing homework...naked. She laughed and made the comment that I was forever naked. It dawned on me just then that I make it a point to start shedding the clothing almost as soon as I walk in the door. It usually starts with the shirt. I live in East County San Diego and it is hot as shit here in the summer time. Can't blame a brutha for gettin' down to the bare necessities. In this case, the only necessity is to have the door and blinds shut. We don't want to scare the neighbors now, do we? 


If you find these tendencies strange, do yourself a favor: Arrange a day alone, lock the doors, shut the blinds, and spend the day relaxing...in the nude. And feel free to let me know how your experience went in the comments below. Enjoy!

It's a good thing I don't have pets...

   

Today's Awkward Gym Shower Room Encounters

As I walk in to the shower room after my run to throw cold water on my face, the security guard who looks like my friend, Marcus...with glasses, is standing at the paper towel dispenser, drying off his hands. I say "What's up?" to which he responds "mmmmmmmmm." Um...ok?


Moving right along. After my shower I'm shaving at the sink, leaning in closely to the mirror and the maintenance guy looks over at me and laughs as if to say "Pshh you're not as hot as you think you are."


Just to clear things up, I'm exactly as hot as I think I am. That may sound bad but it's really not, if you think about it. These two need to get together and agree on their opinion of me. Hopefully it's not as awkward as the first or as judgmental as the second.

The Russian Roulette

My friend, Alex, had a bit of a close call last night. It inspired some funny dialog this morning. Here's a bit of it:


Sarah: What's your's and Vic's poo story?
I should write a blog
me: Mine involves a chicken wing plate at an Irish restaurant, the plate being named the Russian Roullette
All the wings are hot but one of them is incendiary
I was the lucky one to get this piece
Sarah: NO
me: It was so hot it almost ruined my night
The story was about what happened the next morning
I didn't know the girl at whose home I had slept for long enough to be blowin' up her toilet
Sarah: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
Buzzkill!!
me: But when I woke up, I knew there was trouble afoot
Sarah: OMG I would have dumped you
me: I gave her an awkward hug and bounced
Sarah: HAHAHHA
me: It was one of those lean in hugs, hoping she wouldn't squeeze me
Sarah: CRACKING UP
me: I bounced
I was praying to any God that would hear me to give me the strength to make it
Makin' deals with the devil and shit
You know how the pain comes in waves?
Sarah: I am whisper laughing so bad that I have to cough to cover it up!!
YES
me: Like one minute you think you're ok, the next minute you're ready to hang your culo out the window and paint the road
I didn't even make it a mile down the road before I had to stop at burger king
Sarah: HAHAHAHA
me: I made it to the restroom and was safely inside when I realized what it was that caused this problem in the first place
I don't know what it's like to take an open flame to the asshole but I'm assuming it compares to the day after eating that hot piece of chicken in a Russion Roulette
Sarah: HAHAHHAAHHAAHA
poo blog. for sure.
OMG I am so dead from laughing