Old People Problems

   Yesterday I sat at someone's desk to take a look at an issue they had been having with their laptop. I'm not that young anymore and my back is not what it used to be. When I stood up, I felt the most intense pain I've ever felt from my lower back, down the backs of my legs, all the way to the heels of my feet. It was staggering. I held my ground assuming it'd subside in a couple of seconds. 3 seconds into it, I realize this pain is not going to go away and ease back into the chair. It was then that I remembered I had been holding in a poop for a couple of hours...panic. "Did I just do the unthinkable? This isn't even my chair!" The back pain was gone almost right away and I was able to stand. I tight legged it all the way to the restroom to assess the damage. The coast was clear, I kept that butthole tight.

I explained all of this to my girlfriend today while trying to figure out what caused the pain and she responds with this: "Maybe you pinched a nerve? Idk. And then thought you pinched a loaf?"

We were definitely meant for eachother. 

The entire convo, for your entertainment:

Sarah 1:52 PM
A bath sounds good. From the sounds of things, we both have fucked up backs right now.
Cesar 1:54 PM
I don't know what that was about. It had never happened and to be honest, I was scared I pooped a little bit from the pain
I giggled and felt sad about that statement all at the same time
hahaha
Sarah 1:57 PM
Oh my god. Should I feel sad for you or should I laugh at you?
Not in your pants, right?
Poo stories are always funny, but back pain is no laughing matter.
Cesar 1:59 PM
The pain was so bad I thought I shit myself
Luckily, I did not
Went to the potty and checked
Sarah 2:00 PM
Oh. Awwwww
My poor love.
Cesar 2:00 PM
The thing is
My back doesn't hurt
Sarah 2:01 PM
What hurts?
Cesar 2:01 PM
So when I sat at that desk for 5 minutes, I stood up and was totally not expecting the pain
Sarah 2:01 PM
What did the guy do?
Cesar 2:02 PM
It was a chick
And she had left
Nobody saw me
Thank god
Sarah 2:02 PM
Maybe you pinched a nerve? Idk. And then thought you pinched a loaf?
Cesar 2:03 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Sarah 2:03 PM
I have water in my mouth that I can't swallow because I'm laughing
Cesar 2:03 PM
That's going on Facebook RIGHT NOW
Sarah 2:04 PM
Sorry.
Hahaha!!
I'm glad your sense of humor is fucked up like mine.
But I'm sorry you were hurt.

Sometimes the children you conceive are better off without you in their lives

It's a tough thing to accept, but picture this: You know that kid you had a couple decades ago that you abandoned? Yeah the one who has done great things with their life and made you so proud? Imagine how much worse they would have turned out if you stuck around. 
They say time heals all wounds but that is one of the biggest crocks of shit I've ever heard. There is no measure of time that can make up for a parent's failure to be there for their kids. What makes me angriest is hearing about the dad/mom who ditched their kids, then gets pissed when the kids don't allow him/her back into their lives as adults. There is no second chance. They don't inherit the obligation you ignored. Let them live their lives in peace. 
In my experience, the people who have turned out to be the best mommies and daddies are the kids whose parents, by example, showed them what kind of parents not to be. 
You have two choices, be the kind of person your kids can look up to, or remove yourself from the equation.

Cuttin' the cord

I've decided to make an effort to increase the productivity in my life. My days as of late have consisted of the constant checking for social media notifications. That habit has had a serious drag on my overall productivity and something must be done.


Step 1: Delete social media apps from my mobile devices, except Google+ because Android won't let me. It's the notifications on my phone that bring me back to Facebook. Google+ integration into the Android OS is what prevents its uninstallation so all I can do at this point is disable the notifications. Good enough.


Step 2: Cut back on constantly looking at my cell phone. My work requires that I'm up and about quite a bit, so leaving the phone at my desk should make this step much easier.


Step 3: BLOG MORE. There are more ways to share your experiences than posting a quote, image or link to Facebook. Blogging provides a more thought-out way of sharing what is on your mind. It's also usually plagued by far less grammatical inaccuracies than Status Updates have because bloggers actually understand the English language. Most do, anyway.


There will be many more steps and I'll update this post as this effort takes shape but this is all I've got so far. I've tried this before and failed but I didn't have a plan. Wish me luck!